What if You Both Have CPTSD?

Let’s be honest—relationships are hard enough. Add in CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) on both sides, and things can get downright overwhelming. The emotional outbursts, the defensiveness, the constant walking on eggshells—it’s a lot for anyone to handle.

Some days, you might feel like you completely understand each other’s struggles. Other days? It’s like you’re on opposite teams, speaking completely different languages.

The good news? With the right tools, you can find more peace, rebuild connection, and navigate the challenges together.

Why CPTSD Feels So Hard When It’s Both of You

CPTSD affects how you process emotions, perceive conflict, and react to stress. When both partners are navigating this, the challenges multiply.

Here’s why:

• Big Emotions, Bigger Reactions: Without strong emotional regulation tools, disagreements can escalate quickly.
• Triggers Overlap: One person’s reaction often sets off the other, creating a cycle of pain.
• Survival Mode Reigns: Disagreements can feel like threats, making it hard to connect or compromise.

It’s not about love—it’s about two nervous systems stuck in overdrive.

What’s Really Going On Beneath the Surface

When things get tense, it’s easy to assume the worst about your partner. But most of the time, their reactions aren’t personal—they’re trauma responses.

Here’s what might really be happening:

• Conflict Feels Dangerous: Even small disagreements can trigger fears of failure, rejection, or abandonment.
• Reactions Are About Self-Protection: Whether it’s shutting down or lashing out, it’s often a way to cope with overwhelming emotions.
• Misreading Intentions: Trauma makes it harder to trust, so you may see criticism or rejection where it isn’t meant.

Understanding these patterns is the first step toward changing them.

How to Navigate CPTSD Together

Here’s the thing: the tools that help when one partner has CPTSD also work when both of you are navigating it. It’s all about intentional communication, compassion, and boundaries.

Try these strategies:

1. Identify Triggers: Talk openly about what sets you off. The more aware you both are, the better you can handle tough moments.
2. Pause When Heightened: Don’t try to have a rational conversation when one (or both) of you is dysregulated. Take a break and come back to it later.
3. Talk When Things Are Good: It feels counterintuitive, but the best time to address challenges is when you’re both calm. Use these moments to build trust and discuss ways to support each other.
4. Don’t Take It Personally: This is tough but crucial. Your partner’s reactions are often about their trauma, not you.

Why This Shift Matters

When you can see the pain beneath the behaviors, it changes everything.

• You Respond with Compassion: Instead of meeting defensiveness with defensiveness, you can approach with care.
• You Build Safety: Creating a safe environment helps both of you feel more secure and connected.
• You Break the Cycle: Over time, these small shifts add up to big changes in your relationship.

A Little Reminder for the Tough Days

When things feel impossible, hold onto this:

• Boundaries protect both your peace and your relationship.
• Small wins matter. Progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up consistently.
• You’re not alone. Support is out there, and it’s okay to ask for help.