Thrive Now: Trauma-Affected Relationship Tips

I recently had the incredible honor of being a guest on the "Mindfully Sovereign" podcast hosted by the radiant Sapha. Our conversation delved deep into trauma, relationships, and the transformative power of healing. Here are some of the key takeaways from that powerful discussion.

1. Trauma Is Not Always Visible, but It’s Always Present

During the interview, we discussed one of the most challenging aspects of being in a relationship with someone who has experienced trauma: understanding how trauma manifests. Trauma survivors often carry invisible scars that can shape their behaviors, and in many cases, the signs are subtle or misinterpreted. For example, my husband didn’t want to talk about his childhood, controlled certain aspects of our relationship, and sometimes sabotaged our connection. These signs were all clues to deeper pain he hadn’t yet shared. It’s important to recognize that these behaviors are often trauma responses rather than reflections of the relationship itself.

2. It’s Not About You: Separating the Partner from the Trauma

One of the most transformative realizations I shared in the podcast is that many of the challenges I faced in my marriage were not a result of my actions or shortcomings, but rather my husband’s trauma responses. For a long time, I took the blame for the tension in our relationship, thinking I wasn’t doing enough. But once I realized that the root cause was his trauma, not my inadequacies, it lifted a heavy burden off my shoulders. Trauma often creates emotional walls and defense mechanisms that are difficult to navigate, but understanding them helps us move beyond self-blame.

3. Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable

Sapha and I discussed the importance of self-care, especially for partners supporting someone through trauma recovery. In the past, I believed self-care meant extravagant spa days or weekend getaways. However, I’ve come to understand that consistent, small acts of self-care are more powerful. Simple, daily practices—whether it’s a five-minute mindfulness exercise, a walk in nature, or journaling—have been pivotal in helping me recharge and show up as the best version of myself.

We also touched on the importance of finding your own support system. I had to step out of the isolation that trauma can create and give myself permission to seek help from friends, family, or a therapist. It was a game changer to be able to lean on others and admit that I couldn’t carry the weight of it all by myself.

4. Boundaries Are an Act of Love

In any relationship, but especially in one where trauma is present, boundaries are essential for both partners. I shared with Sapha that setting healthy boundaries isn’t about pushing your partner away; rather, it’s about creating space for both partners to feel safe and respected. It took time for me to realize that boundaries are actually intimacy builders. They allow both individuals to operate within each other’s spaces in a healthy way, making the relationship more sustainable.

We also discussed the misconception that setting boundaries is selfish. In reality, it’s the opposite. Boundaries help prevent burnout, resentment, and reactivity. They ensure that both partners have the space to heal and grow together.

5. Communication: Timing Is Everything

One of the most practical insights I shared is about communication. When your partner has experienced trauma, how and when you have conversations is crucial. I’ve learned that it’s okay to step back and give each other time and space when emotions are heightened. This doesn’t mean avoiding issues; it means approaching them when both partners are calm and ready to engage constructively. A simple approach that has worked for us is starting conversations with, “I’d love to talk about what happened and see if we can do it differently next time.”

6. Healing Is a Journey You Take Together

One of the biggest revelations we explored in this conversation was that healing from trauma isn’t something you do alone or something you do for your partner. It’s a journey you take together. It’s about finding ways to support each other while maintaining your own emotional health. One of the most poignant moments I shared was when I realized I could no longer protect my husband from everything. By allowing him to face difficult situations with me, we strengthened our bond and created more trust and openness in our relationship.

Final Thoughts

Being on the "Mindfully Sovereign" podcast with Sapha was a beautiful opportunity to reflect on my journey and the lessons I’ve learned as a partner supporting someone through trauma. If I could sum up the conversation in one sentence, it would be this: Healing is not linear, but with understanding, compassion, and self-care, you can navigate it together and come out stronger.

If you are a partner to someone who has experienced trauma, I encourage you to recognize the power of setting boundaries, prioritize your self-care, and remember that it’s okay to seek support. You don’t have to carry it all on your own. Healing is a shared path, and by walking it together, you can create a relationship that thrives.

Thank you, Sapha, for the incredible conversation! You can listen to the full episode on the "Mindfully Sovereign" podcast. I hope our insights inspire others to find strength in their own healing journeys.  Click Here to listen to the full interview on Apple (also available on Spotify).