The Secret for Getting Your Husband Involved in Holiday Activities

The holiday season, a time of joy and celebration for many, can be a period of unexpected challenges for those married to partners who have experienced childhood trauma. These challenges are not just confined to the trauma survivors but extend to their spouses and families. My journey through this realization began 11 years ago after my son's birth when the holidays started becoming increasingly difficult.

**The Unpredictability of Trauma**
I noticed a pattern of unpredictability with my husband. One day would be smooth, but the next, a minor incident could trigger a significant reaction. This was particularly evident during the holiday season. I recall one Christmas party we planned to attend. I was excited, but my husband, overwhelmed by anxiety, couldn't bring himself to go. He spent the evening in his car outside the party, too frightened to enter. That was the moment I realized we were dealing with something beyond social anxiety.

**The Impact on Family Traditions**
The holiday stress wasn't limited to big events. Even family activities like getting a Christmas tree or decorating cookies became too much for my husband. Visits to family and friends often ended in arguments. The holidays, which should have been enjoyable, became a time of heightened emotions and disappointment.

**Finding a New Approach**

Over the past eight years, I've dedicated myself to experimenting with various approaches and activities, all in an effort to find ways to encourage my husband's participation in our family traditions. Through this journey, I've discovered some key strategies, which I've previously shared in my holiday survival guides.

One vital tactic involves thoughtful planning. For larger events, like parties or family gatherings, I've learned the importance of integrating breaks throughout the day and having an escape plan in place. This approach acknowledges the need for flexibility, especially given my husband's unpredictable emotional responses to the holidays.

However, when it comes to more intimate family activities, I've adopted a different strategy: embracing spontaneity. I noticed that setting fixed plans for activities like choosing a Christmas tree or cookie decorating often led to stress and disappointment, especially on days when my husband's emotions were more volatile. So, instead of planning these activities for a specific date and time, I now prepare in advance—gathering all necessary materials—and wait for the right moment.

I watch for days when my husband returns home in good spirits, the kids are free of commitments, and the overall mood in the house is positive. It's in these spontaneous moments that I suggest, "Let's go get the Christmas tree tonight," or, "How about we do some Christmas decorating this afternoon?" This flexible approach of waiting for the right opportunity has transformed our holiday experience, allowing us to enjoy these special moments together without the pressure of a pre-set schedule.

This method of 'planned spontaneity' has been the secret to creating the most joyous and inclusive holiday experiences for our family. It's about being prepared to seize the right moments, creating memories that are both joyful and comfortable for everyone.

**Conclusion**
If you're in a similar situation, know that you're not alone. Understanding and adapting to your partner's needs can make a significant difference. For more holiday survival tips and support for spouses of trauma survivors, visit my website and subscribe to my channel or newsletter. Let's demystify these experiences together.