Easy! 5 Steps to Building Trust with a Trauma Survivor

Hey there! So, you're looking to make a real difference in the life of someone who's had a rough start, dealing with childhood trauma? I get it. It might seem like a daunting task, but guess what? You don't need to move mountains to build trust with a trauma survivor. It's about the simple, consistent actions that show you're there for them. Let's break it down into five easy steps that you can start today. Trust me, it's easier than you think, and the impact? Huge.

But first, let's touch on why trust is particularly challenging for survivors of childhood trauma. Imagine growing up in an environment where the basic foundations of trust were shattered time and again. For many survivors, their early experiences taught them that the world is unpredictable and unsafe, and that the people who were supposed to protect them were the very ones causing harm.

This deep-seated sense of betrayal makes it incredibly hard to open up and trust others, fearing that history might repeat itself.

Now, with that understanding in mind, reflect on the most reliable person in your life. This could be a friend or a family member who always shows up, never breaks a promise, and is there for you with support and advice whenever you need it. Got someone in mind? Great! They're proof that reliability and consistency are key to trust. And if they can do it, so can you. Now, let's get to those steps.

1. **Keep Your Promises**

Let's start with the basics. If you say you're going to do something, do it. Sounds simple, right? But it's a game-changer. Keeping your word shows that you're reliable, creating a track record that screams, "Hey, you can count on me!" It's about making a conscious effort to follow through on your promises, big or small.

2. **Steady Communication is Key**

Communication is everything, right? Keeping it clear, steady, and consistent is the name of the game. Those wild swings in how you interact, especially during the tough times? Yeah, let's try to dodge those. Consistency is like sending a signal to your partner that says, "I'm here for you, ready to listen, no matter what's going down." And here's the kicker—especially make sure not to mirror any negative patterns they might have encountered in their past. You know, those reactions or behaviors that might have added to their hurt? Steering clear of those is crucial.

It's definitely not the easiest path to walk, but man, is it worth it. It's about being that rock when the storm hits, showing them through your actions and words that you're a different chapter, a safe harbor. Trust me, sticking to this path can make all the difference in building a relationship that's not just surviving but thriving.

3. **Understand and React Predictably to Triggers**

You know how sometimes a small thing seems to set off a huge reaction in someone you care about, especially if they've been through some tough times in the past? It's like stepping on a landmine you didn't even see. Those intense emotional moments can really throw both of you for a loop. They're called triggers, and they can bring up some deep, painful stuff from the past that doesn't really match up with what's happening right now. Navigating this can be super tricky for both partners.

The key? Try not to take these reactions personally. I know, easier said than done, right? But remember, it's not about you. It's about a hurt that's been carried around for a long time. Being there for them, all calm and steady, while you both figure out ways to deal with these triggers, can really help ease the sting over time. It's about tackling it together, finding those coping strategies that work, and being each other's support through the thick and thin.

4. **Don't Hide Stuff, EVEN if You Know it Might be Triggering**

Transparency is key.  You might think you're doing your partner a favor by keeping potentially upsetting information under wraps, but I've learned firsthand that honesty is non-negotiable. For years, I tiptoed around topics I believed would trigger my husband, mistakenly believing I was protecting him. Yet, every time he discovered what I'd hidden, it chipped away at the trust between us.

The game-changer came when I chose to bring up these sensitive subjects during moments of calm, prefacing them with, "This might be difficult to hear." It was transformative. Suddenly, my husband didn't feel sidelined but rather included and trusted. It shifted his perspective, allowing him to step up as a supportive partner.

Opening up about tough topics isn't just about airing out the difficult stuff; it's a declaration that you view your relationship as a partnership. It's about tackling life's challenges shoulder to shoulder, reinforcing the idea that you're a united front, come what may. This approach doesn't just preserve trust—it strengthens it, proving that together, you can navigate anything.

5. **Patience, Patience, Patience**

Trust takes time, especially with someone who's been through the wringer. Let them know you're in it for the long haul. Show that you're committed to understanding their needs and respecting their pace. It's about playing the long game, showing that you're not going anywhere.

Questions to Reflect Upon:  

1. How has your understanding of trust and consistency changed after reading about these steps?

2. In what ways can you implement these steps in your daily interactions, not just with trauma survivors but with everyone around you?

3. What challenges do you anticipate facing as you work to become more consistent and reliable, and how can you address them?

4. Reflect on a moment when you might have chosen to hide something from someone close to you because you believed it could be triggering or upsetting for them. How did this decision affect your relationship? Considering the importance of trust and transparency, how might you approach similar situations differently in the future to foster a deeper sense of trust?

    

Wrapping Up

Building trust with a trauma survivor doesn't have to be about grand gestures or over-the-top actions. It's the little things, done consistently, that can make the biggest difference. Understanding the unique challenges faced by trauma survivors deepens the impact of these steps, emphasizing the need for patience and consistent support. By following these five easy steps, and keeping in mind the example of that most reliable person in your life, you'll not only build trust but also create a meaningful, supportive relationship. So, ready to make a difference? Let's do this, one small step at a time.

If you are looking for more help on understanding how triggers may be affecting YOUR marriage, send me an email or DM me on social.  I have some free resources for you!